Miwifi Hgv 2plus. ( oh joy!) / Back in the writing saddle.

  Journal this before the Solstice...

What kind of life would allow me to fully exist?

Would I need different boundaries?

Different relationships?

Different rhythms?

Different expectations?

Different conversations?

Different commitments?

More rest?

More honesty?

More support?

More space?

What would have to change for me to stop shrinking?

What would have to change for me to stop performing?

What would have to change for me to stop waiting?

Because this is the deeper question Chiron in Taurus (he moves there June 19, just 2 days before the Solstice) asks:

Do you feel safe enough to be yourself?

Not someday.

Not after more healing.

Not after one more breakthrough.

Now.

For nearly 8 years, Chiron in Aries has been asking:

Who am I?

Who am I beneath the conditioning?

Who am I beneath the expectations?

Who am I beneath the masks?

Now the question changes.

How do I live?

How do I build a life that can actually hold who I’ve become?

How do I create the conditions where I no longer have to abandon myself to belong?

How do I make room for the life that’s trying to emerge?

That’s the crossing.

That’s the Solstice.

And that’s why so many people feel exhausted…

They’ve become someone their current life can no longer contain.

To me, signs of codependency & people-pleasing can be helpful symptom descriptors of the fawn response. Fawning is a survival response that helps a person cope with being under threat of harm. (My friend Ingrid Clayton, PhD wrote a fantastic book on this, btw). Fawning causes us to prioritize other’s happiness over our own — which makes perfect sense, if you think about it. In your difficult or abusive relationship, were you safe if they were in a bad mood? No.🙁 See how fawning works to help you? By fawning (keeping them happy, suppressing your own needs, and staying vigilant around their moods), you could better ensure your own safety and wellbeing. At least for that moment. But that’s the thing with fawning. A viable tool in the moment, when it becomes a CHRONIC way of relating with others, we can never relax. 😵‍💫 Like in this cartoon I drew for you today. What was a good survival strategy at one time ends up becoming a terrible “life”strategy. Because it blocks us from being able to move fully into our own lives. Why? Well, when fawning is our primary coping mechanism, we never get to fully move into our own selves. Fawning will help us survive, yes. But it will unintentionally BLOCK us from thriving. And that’s where becoming boundaried comes in to help. My boundaries approach is predicated on the assumption that your current behaviors are not happening because you are broken or wrong. (If you fawn, it’s for a reason — and it makes sense). But also, until compassionate people like you and me become boundaried, we are doomed to stay stuck in our survival behaviors for life. And that’s not what you’re here for, my friend. Becoming boundaried is discovering how to come home to ourselves. And that (speaking 100% from my own experience) changes everything